I’ve been called extreme and sensitive. For a week I was sad about that. Why do I have to be so much? Why can’t I be less of this and that? Well the fact of the matter is that It’s true-my extremeness/sensitivity is different than most. But so what?
That extreme-ness causes me to be able to go for extreme shit in life. It’s extreme for a girl from where I’m from to have attempted (and succeeded I might add) the things I have tried. It was extreme to go to Purdue to work as a sports information director in charge of volleyball who had NEVER attended a college volleyball game. It was extreme for me to go to law school JUST so I could craft a unique career in the entertainment industry. It was extreme to move to L.A. with just my law school graduation money, no place to live and no job. It was extreme to leave the comfort of VCA to try to work for Brillstein and it was for damn sure extreme to leave BEP to work for Benny Medina. It was extreme to move from Hollywood to New Orleans to continue a career in film and television production. But guess what? It all worked!
And yes I’m EXTREMELY sensitive! Shit that bothers me does not phase other folk. I love when I tell one of my besties Brit my concerns and I see her reaction-she’ll look shocked and amazed that my mind conceived the things it does. That sensitivity makes me an artist. That sensitivity makes me a friend folk call when shit gets real and they need an empathic voice on the other end of the phone. That sensitivity allows me to place myself in others shoes and act from that place, making things comfortable for others in most situations. And that sensitivity has allowed me to feel more emotions than others know exist.
So I say all that to say, yes DaVida Chanel is extreme and sensitive and so the fuck what! Those two elements combine with every other piece of me to become one amazing mofo! I do realize that everyone can’t deal with that-oh well c’est la vie! I could care less because it has taken a long time and serious work for me to be ok with EVERY piece of me. Ledisi’s song PIECES OF ME is a great song to address how I’m feeling today. I hope that this song makes every reader OK with some portion of yourself that you may have not always accepted 
HAPPY MONDAY!
“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” Gloria Steinam
On Monday I was super SUPER excited for HBO’s documentary “Gloria: In Her Own Words”. I’m a big fan of equal rights for all and peaceful revolution; so since Steinam was one of the leaders of the women’s movement I was stoked. Not to mention HBO always does such a great job with their docs so it was a win. I watched, enjoyed, felt inspired and even journaled about ways in which I could become more socially active. The next day I got up and as I got ready for work, I listened to Kanye and JayZ’s compilation, “Watch the Throne”. As I blasted one of my fav songs on WTT, I felt completely conflicted. How could I, the intended beneficiary of the women’s liberation movement, be such a fan of a song called, “That’s My Bitch”?
A while ago I was talking to a girlfriend and she asked if I realized how much I say the word “bitch”. I hadn’t and began to monitor my usage of the word. She was right-I say bitch so casually that I didn’t even recognize it. I don’t mean anything when I say it…most of the time (c’mon we all know sometimes you do run into a person that’s being a total BITCH). I generally use it in place of “girl” in conversation with females I feel really comfortable/casual around ESPECIALLY when I have some juicy piece of information. I don’t use the N word much because I have such strong feelings for that word but it’s different with BITCH. It just doesn’t bother me the same…unless of course some guy is using it to directly speak to a woman…so I guess it is the same since I’ve heard folk say the same in regards to their use of the N word but I digress…
ANYWAY, so the thing is I absolutely love the Ye/Jay song. It’s as if it were written just for me…the beat is great for my off beat sense of rhthym when I dance; speaking of the beat Ye collabo’ed with Q-Tip for that uber-cool sound; Londoner Elly Jackson with that deliciously poppy feel of her voice; the soulful sound of Charlie Wilson who appears when I least expect it; Jay making a commentary on the world’s lack of appreciation for beautiful women of color; Ye talking all arrogant about buying some broads’ tits…c’mon how could I not LOVE THIS SONG?!?! But deep down a part of me feels like I shouldn’t. I kind of feel like me singing this song somehow shits on the work women like Gloria Steinham put in to ensure I’d be treated equally in society. On one hand, I feel like it’s just a song but on the other I know it’s never that simple.
So the truth is I’m conflicted because I am an educated, African-American woman born during the women’s movement that equates girl to bitch so quickly I don’t even realize it who wants a better future for women yet I feel free when I hear “That’s My Bitch”. And the irony of that scenario kind of pisses me off.
Click here to hear “That’s My Bitch” … but I warn you ladies, you might just love it…
NOTE: My love of hip-hop often leaves me conflicted. Those distorted feelings inspired my stage play HIP HOP LIVES being presented by the 2011 New Orleans Fringe Fest. For more information, click here.
My name is DaVida Chanel and I’m a bitch. And I’m ok with that. And today I celebrate ALL that I am-not just the nice, cute stuff but that bitch too. The bitch gets things done. She’s quick to act and moves from the gut. She wishes no harm to others but doesn’t anything or anyone get in the way of her goals. She is no nonsense and is money/wealth motivated. She attacks her workouts and is extremely anal about what she eats. Direct and to the point, none of that wishy-washy stuff. And when I’m in positions like I am now, where I have to will and make things happen, I call in my bitch side. So if you see me on the street and something seems a bit different, don’t sweat it, you’re just meeting my inner bitch…
It’s in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.
I had a realization today…I shy away from my femininity. When I was really young, I always responded to the poise and confidence of sexy women that I saw on TV, but I was dissuaded from these “idols”. My favorite was Vanity. I thought she was so beautiful and I hung her posters and magazine cut outs up all over my room. When my Granny saw it she said that Vanity wasn’t pretty she was just a whore. Those pictures were taken down immediately. Another instance I remember is when I saw LADY SINGS THE BLUES and Billie (Diana) was cleaning those steps, I felt just like her that it would be a much better deal to be one of the “ladies” (prostitutes) inside the house. Once again, I was told how those women were whores. Now in my grown up mind I know that my family was just looking out for me because it clearly wasn’t a good goal to be a hooker and although it looked super fun, being the female Prince probably wasn’t ideal. But as a kid, I think the messages got screwed up. Those experiences made me feel like being overly sexy might make me a whore and even though I wasn’t sure what that was back then, I didn’t want to be one.
As I got older, I didn’t feel like being too sexy would affect me. The women I heard people call sexy or fine had curves and I had no body! I was straight up and down throughout high school and my hips didn’t start to fill out until college, which was just fine with me! I didn’t care about being a sexy or pretty girl because I was a cool girl. When my figure developed it caught me off guard and started to garner some unwanted attention. I LOVED attention but not for my body. I wanted people to think I was smart, funny or cool. I didn’t want people to just see me as a sexual person (because remember back when I was a kid, sexy people were whores!). So I down played that. As much as I could. Sometimes I’d enjoy flaunting my body but not often. My hair, face but not my body.
Today this all came back. I woke up feeling like wearing a dress to work. I wore a cute little dress but nothing too too revealing. This one creepy man made a creepy comment (baby you look delicious….EWWWWWWWWW) and I was able to make the connection. My career is so important to me and I work hard to be recognized for my merit not my hips! As I started to mentally freak out, another male co-worker came in. He’d missed the previous convo and said, “You look very nice today. You’re such a class act. And thanks for getting that distro done last night. I appreciate you.”
Something about that interaction brought me full circle. I think I had been hiding my feminine aspects because I didn’t want to be known for just that. I don’t have to hide it, I can flaunt it because my work speaks for itself REGARDLESS of what I wear (obviously since I wear VERY casual attire with little concern over my appearance the majority of the time at work!). As I continue to define the life I choose to live, I think I’ll embrace my female-ness, hips and all
This morning I woke up determined-I was going to get a Louisiana license and inspection sticker so that I no longer had to be afraid of “driving dirty”(driving with expired tags). I usually don’t care-the reason being is b/c my not having valid registration is technically a California issue and the State of Louisiana can’t lawfully arrest me on a California matter. I got a ticket this summer though (they can fine me for not switching my license plate if I’m living here over 30 days) and my Grandmother was getting so worked up about my expired tags, it was making me nervous. I was quite content and didn’t let it bother me, but since I’ve been watching The Wire, I know how some cops can be so, today was the day.
A while ago a guy friend contacted me about doing some work for him. He’s a writer and was doing a project about Black love (which was a red flag since I believe there is only LOVE not to be bound by color but I digress). In our third conversation, he said he wanted to start a campaign to ban single women using the term “independent” as an adjective (example: I’m an independent woman). He said the phrase isolates men and makes it seem as if the women do not need them for anything. Because I had NO job at the time, I didn’t really say how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin the potential incoming business (didn’t matter, it fell apart shortly after). Today the tone my Granny and the random guy had reminded me of this sentiment. I feel like they had the same type of feeling-like my independence had some effect on my being in a relationship or rather my not being in a relationship.
Here’s the thing, while I truly desire and want to be in a loving, caring relationship, I do not NEED someone else for anything in my life. Need indicates a condition of lack or some requirement to make something whole. I’m already WHOLE and COMPLETE. I’m not going to sit around and wait for someone else to do things I’m capable of doing for myself. I don’t want a partner who’d be anything but proud to have a woman that carries her own. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be changing license plates forever and I’d love to be able to turn that over to my lover (and he could DEFINITELY wash my car and get my repairs done this weekend…again I digress lol) but if he were unable to do something, I’m not gonna cry. I will just get it done. I would that would be applauded.
So to that short term boss, my dear dear grandmother and to the guy at the gas station, yes, I happen to be very VERY independent, a quality in which I take great pride. I know deep down they (well actually just my Granny) are really concerned for me. I also know that my love/life partner is on the way and my independence won’t deter him at all! When we meet, we’ll be two complete individuals who don’t NEED each other but sure will WANT each other a whole lot!
This morning I woke feeling extra great! When I turned off my phone alarm, I noticed I had a missed text from a friend that gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last night (welcome to the world Baby Leila!!!). That made me feel good. And our nice boost of cool fall weather made me want to sport my fav ankle boots. I decided to dress up my normal black tee and jeans and spruce up my hair and makeup a tad bit. Then I got in the car to drive to work and Bruno Mars’ song “Just The Way You Are”. I love love love this song! (I admit, it may be one that gets played so much that by Christmas I’ll probably hate it but for right now it is awesome!) This song made me feel so good to be just as I am! I was looking in the mirror when it came on about to mess with a pimple on on my cheek but as I sang “Girl You’re Amazing Just The Way You Are” I forgot about the little zit. I can tend to overemphasize the negative and get caught up in what’s not right, but I’m a pretty amazing girl when I think about it!!! Here’s the video-I hope you realize that YOU too are amazing right now!!!
This started at a young age. When I was young I was a latch-key kid. That meant that while my grandmother and aunts worked, I stayed home alone. My grandmother’s brother would come by and because he was pretty popular all of my other uncles and older male relatives would come by too – I’d be the only girl but they didn’t treat me any different. They were all very successful (my uncle was the owner of a funeral home, all my other uncles were entrepreneurs and educators and all of them were extremely hard working). They’d ask what I was bringing to the table so I learned to make their fav’ cocktails and was their bartender. They were older and had little tolerance for excessive questions, nagging or whining. I figured that out early on that if I wanted to hang (and make my weekly wage of cash, books and special food treats), I was going to have to chill out. They did a lot of fun stuff and always taught me things about life so I chilled out and just hung. In retrospect, I see how those days influence so much of my life now. I also didn’t have many girl friends in my age group early on either (my girl cousins lived far away and I only got to see them on holidays or weekends but never randomly during the week). My first real friends were Bull and June, the neighbor boys. (Well actually Bull was my real friend, June was too grown to play around with us lol.) They never treated me like a girl though-they didn’t like beat me up or make me do crazy stuff like throw spiders at me – but they also didn’t treat me like I was fragile. Like with my relatives it was very clear that if I was going to hang, I was gonna have to just hang. As I got older and did get female friendships, they were a lot less chill or accepting. Everything was different with girls – especially the ending of friendships. With my boys, when things never really ended. If we didn’t hang for a while, the next time we did, it was the same. Friendships with girls on the other hand didn’t go like that – the departure was always filled with drama.
I do well in friendships with guys because I get dudes (lol – disclaimer: this only works with dudes I don’t like; add the component of like to the equation and I have no freakin’ clue!). Most guys I know would say I was one of the coolest girls they know or have met. Because of my relationship with guys I’ve always dreamed of things being like back in the day w/my uncles and older male relatives. Once they saw what I had to offer, they accepted me into the fold of things (hey, for them having their drinks correct was a big deal! lol). They treated me like and equal and took care of me. Because they took care of me, I took care of them – we were a team. And it was a special bond – I was like one of them so there wasn’t any issue with their wives, daughters or granddaughters. My place was secure because the nature of my relationship with them was i no way a threat to anyone else. My vision has always been to be the only female in my crew – respected by my peers for whatever it was I brought to the table. It is important to me to be supportive of a strong base of men but not in some damsel in distress position or the freak trick that hangs with the dudes kind of way, but in a doing my part position, bringing stuff to the table position or she’s a girl but just like me type way. I’m not sure if that is in the plan but I hope so…
Only Females In Their Crew I Admire:
Wonder Woman was a beast with her lasso-able to help the Superfriends out of peril!
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton made the seamless transition into her new position and rocks in the top position under the President and Vice President.
Fergie goes hard with the Black Eye Peas – giving her all in the group but excelling as a solo artist and actress. (I wanted to list Lauryn Hill or Lil’ Kim here but the fact Lil Kim dated Biggie and there are rumors of Lauryn and Wyclef, that didn’t jive with my idea of only female in my crew.)
The late Georgia Frontierre was the only female owner and chairman in the National Football League – and her Rams won the Super Bowl! (Only one other female owner in the league.)
Halle Berry is the only female African-American Oscar winners in the lead category (Monique, Jennifer Hudson, Whoopi Goldberg and Hattie McDaniel all won but as SUPPORTING actress)
This song says it all ….
In astrology right now, the phenom of Mercury Retrograde is occurring. Its a time to reflect, review, adjust as needed and move on. This time its affecting me in the area of relationships. Who knows what rocks these guys crawled from under but I’m more interested in the lessons I’m supposed to learn from the past as it relates to them. It brings up lots of personal work but I’m ready to confront my unresolved issues and move on. That’s exactly what Mercury does during retrograde … it literally backs up in the sky for a while makes adjustments, then continues forward. Full steam ahead …
