I love to do updates on ladies featured in my “She Makes Me Wanna” column!!!! If you don’t recall, I did a piece on Holly Hobbs’ pursuits back in ’09. Check out this article from today’s Times Picayune from NOLA.com on my girl’s project coming to fruition! What a way to preserve New Orleans’ rich hip hop culture!!!! Click here for the article! What a great reminder that all good things take time!
The old saying goes when people show you who they are believe them! For some reason I struggle with this one…A LOT! I
consider myself a visionary so I tend to see people as I want them to be not for who they are. This isn’t just in relationships with men, but across the board. If there is a glimmer of good in a person I have the ability to zero in on it, focus there and become blinded to all else. But the truth is the signs are always there and along the way, folk tell you who they are every time.
Case in point, a long time ago a “friend” betrayed me. To this day they have excuses of the betrayal and we both don’t talk about it as if it never happened (mostly bc she’s of the opinion she did not when she so blatantly did which I guess is the issue for me but I digress). But I KNOW it happened. I can say I’ve moved on, but I have not forgotten. That person has not changed at all. That same streak of selfishness and inconsideration of others seems to lie at the core of who she is yet I pretend as if I don’t see it. I focus on that glimmer of light because after all if she can be that fucked up what does that say about me. The question is have I forgiven? And if I have forgiven, why does it still bother me?!? Does this mean I haven’t truly forgiven?!?
I’ve been watching Oprah’s Lifeclass and really trying to get the full benefit of the lessons. On forgiveness, they said that forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past can be any different. I guess according to that scenario, I haven’t forgiven. I wish the past could have been different. I wish that she or I had been different maybe it would have gone down differently. Then every time she does something characteristic of that old situation, it wouldn’t upset me so. I don’t know why I had chosen to stay in this “friendship” so long harboring these feelings. I thought forgiving was moving on, forgetting what had happened and making a new way…but you can’t get brand new with old crap! So today I bravely let that “friendship” go and I’m officially done (AGAIN but FOR REAL THIS TIME). Now I can get about the healing of self that will allow me to see things/people/scenarios more clearly the first go round. Luckily Lifeclass also said, “Forgiveness is like medicine. Medicine that can heal your pain, bring you peace and ultimately set you free.”
I found myself feeling a bit remorseful today. Things are going so so…I feel like I’ve been taking two steps forward and one step back. BUT THEN I remembered from where I have come. This journey has been super long and I know I’m closer than I’ve ever been before. I’ve survived way worse than this…and thus today’s Motivational Music Monday song is none other than Destiny’s Child SURVIVOR. I’m not gone give up, I’m not gone stop, I’m gone work harder…and so it is. I’m GONE MAKE IT! Mantra of the day. ENJOY
My girl Jamey Hatley shared this with me on yesterday…what a great mantra before bedtime and a great way to start my day! ENJOY
On January 28-29 I auditioned for a production of FOR COLORED GIRLS WHO CONSIDERED SUICIDE WHEN THE RAINBOW WAS ENUF. A fan of the choreopoem, I HAD to audition. That day I had A LOT going on! I had a brunch with my friend/colleague, a shoot for my friend Gian’s short BOTCHED, an audition for a student film at UNO and lastly, the FOR COLORED GIRLS audition. By the time I got to the audition I was excited but while waiting for my turn, I got a bit cocky. I could tell I was the oldest in the room and the girls were so chatty…not like film/tv auditions where it is dead silent. My ego got ahead of itself and when it was finally my turn to audition, I sucked! It was the kind of suck where I had to just keep smiling because I knew it was horrific. Luckily the director was looking for a bubbly, smily type so I got the callback. I knew I had to bring it the next day and boy was I right-she had us all perform in front of one another and these young women were bringing it! I was overjoyed when I got the word I had made the play because it was truly a competitive field. I felt a sense of accomplishment and instantly began to feel overwhelmed. The play opened in just seven weeks!
We rehearsed everyday except a few days off for Mardi Gras. The material was unlike anything else I’d ever experienced. There wasn’t any dialogue or stage direction so paying attention to our director’s notes during practice was essential. During this I was still working daily as a travel coordinator on a TV, getting to know my new boo, wrapping up one job and starting a new one in the midst of rehearsal – so things were crazy. But the material, the cast/crew and the director made me feel as if it was going to pan out. And did it ever!
The show opened on Friday, March 30 and to say it was well received would be an understatement. There were audience members who had seen the piece in the 70s and thought it was on point and clearly presented. On Sunday when we wrapped after our set nine performances, I felt an extreme sense of empowerment. I had set a goal of delivering a good performance and had done the work to make it a reality. Every night was new and that forced me to grow more and more as an actress and as a person. Moreso every night I had to listen to Ntozake’s words over and over again. And they sank in. This was a process I had no idea would move me as much as it did. As one of the last lines of the show states, “I found God in myself and loved her fiercely,” exactly what this project made me do! I’m beyond grateful for the opportunity and can’t wait to see what comes next!
I’ve heard humble beginnings invite glorious ends. This video inspires me by reminding me everyone has got to start somewhere!
trust – noun: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
I am not so good with trusting. I figured out early on that sometimes people’s best intentions can fall short. In my youth, unfortunately I wasn’t able to trust the people in my life. Those who were to nurture me fell below the mark time and time again. I attached that falling short to some form of lack within me (ie: I must not have deserved whatever it was they were supposed to do so that’s why it didn’t work). The result: I just do it all on my own. I’m self-made and for every act of kindness in my life I’ve gone above and beyond to show my appreciation/gratitude as well as pay it forward. Have I always been trustworthy? No I haven’t. The main reason is because I don’t like to say no but I digress…this isn’t about if folk trust me but rather why its difficult for me to trust folks. The major issue is when to trust and in whom to place that trust. Le siiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhh. And now I’m in a position where it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to do everything on my own. I’ve got to trust…
But here’s the thing…I know that people fall short-I do ALL THE TIME. But I also come through for folk ALL THE TIME. I think the key isn’t trusting them (or me) but placing my trust in the Most High. He’s always got my back NO MATTER WHAT so I’ve just got to TRUST that He’s going to place the correct people in my life at the correct time. So I’m going to continue to work on trusting HIM and as a result the THEMs will work out just fine. My favorite number is 37 (heehee my Spring ’97 folk know why). I flipped to my favorite Bible book for times like this, paired it with my number and look what I found…I know everything is going to work out.
Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)
I have always liked JayZ. I’ve got a ton of his albums, watched the Black Album documentary, his MTV doc, and traveled all the way to Londontown to see him perform. But I didn’t love him until I saw his episode of Oprah’s Masterclass. It was powerful. He seemed so much more authentic and intelligent than I had imagined-even spiritual. His interview showed him as a hard worker with a great vision which intrigued me. My summer reading goal is to read biographies and autobiographies of people who have had great success. So I finally read DECODED, Jay’s book that tells the stories behind the rhymes and the stories behind the man. He rose from the projects to become one of the most successful artists of our time. I’ve seen him in interviews and he’s seemed quiet almost shy but in this book he lays it all out. I respect his story and his journey and this book was a great read! He collabed with one of my favorite journalists, dream hampton. I picked this genre of book for this summer because I’m seeking inspiration-this book inspired me to work harder and be better! Have you read this book-what’d you think?!?
My name is DaVida Chanel and I’m a bitch. And I’m ok with that. And today I celebrate ALL that I am-not just the nice, cute stuff but that bitch too. The bitch gets things done. She’s quick to act and moves from the gut. She wishes no harm to others but doesn’t anything or anyone get in the way of her goals. She is no nonsense and is money/wealth motivated. She attacks her workouts and is extremely anal about what she eats. Direct and to the point, none of that wishy-washy stuff. And when I’m in positions like I am now, where I have to will and make things happen, I call in my bitch side. So if you see me on the street and something seems a bit different, don’t sweat it, you’re just meeting my inner bitch…
Deep breath…
Today is the first day of my future. Actually EVERYDAY is a new opportunity to step into a new life but today is different. Today is the first day I officially work for DaVida Chanel Productions, LLC!!!!! How exciting!?!?
One of my mentors, Vincent Cirrincione, would always say, “When I was 35 I took the biggest risk of my life and it paid off big time.” Vince used to work in the stock market but around that birthday he decided to pursue a career in entertainment. He got office space in his friend’s NY apartment (actually it was his friend’s walk in closet that he was able to cram a desk and a phone into) and every day he got up early, put on a suit and went to work for himself. He overcame the tough times, found his niche and began representing women from the pageant circuit who wanted to break into acting by getting them their start in soap operas. Long story short one day he came across a young actress who won the Miss Ohio title and came in as 1st runner up to Miss USA. That young ingenue was none other than Halle Berry and Vince has guided her career to astounding heights. I worked for Vince for 2 years and he was my first Hollywood boss. He taught me so much in that time but the main thing I learned from him was to never be afraid to invest in yourself.
Deep breath…today I continue to invest in me. My first “gig” on my own finds me working as an independent contractor in production for the Essence Music Fest. It’s my first “official” freelance gig and it couldn’t feel more right! My motivational song of the day is THE ANNOUNCEMENT by Dee-1. It literally tells his story of leaving the security of a job to pursue his calling as his career (sounds familiar right?). That’s where I am right now and I encourage anyone on the verge of some new decision to listen to this song! Enjoy…
