A few weeks ago a friend was going on and on about how great the iPhone 4 was. I still have the 3g and am just not ready to give Apple more of my money right now (AND I heard a 5 is coming soon). So I decided I’d finally do the update and at least have the latest software on my phone. Well, something went wrong and my phone was restored to its settings from November 2010. That meant any numbers, texts, pictures or music on my phone post then was gone. At first I was HEATED. Then I had a realization, when we are pursuing something greater, it is inevitable that some things will have to be left behind. For so long I’ve been so upset over the things, people and situations that left even though those departures always led to bigger opportunities down the line. While I had some really cute pics and this one really cute boy’s number in my phone now gone forever, I realize it was a part of the divine lesson that sometimes you just gotta let go. And if by letting go I can attain what I truly desire, I’m all for it! Yes it sucks and down right hurts sometimes but I know it’s all a part of the process. I graciously let go which in turn will allow me to have what I truly want! That is pretty awesome!
When I moved to New Orleans in February of 2009, my creative interests were been sparked. There’s something about that city-it’s like magic, but that’s far too cliche’ a term to describe how I feel there. Hmmm…I guess a better way to describe it would be that when I drove into the city for the first time en route to move into my apartment I felt a part of me wake up. That piece of me had made brief appearances throughout my life, but never long enough for me to tap into it… I was probably pushing it away before. This time, it was alive and vibrant-speaking to me and guiding my steps. No longer was my long list of goals and deadlines the priority, I was no longer in charge…this piece of me not only woke up but it took over. Everything I had dreamed of was starting to happen and FAST. My senses were so alive…everything I saw was live and in color, I heard notes of music I’d never experienced (even on songs I’d heard a million times), food tasted amazing. Even sex was different…EXPLOSIVE! LOL! I met random strangers I felt like I’d known for years-I swear I met someone from a former life! I was living in abundance-for real I paid all my bills for months working as only a waitress, got to take classes, started a business and came up with so many creative ideas, I couldn’t keep up. Things were going beyond well in my creative life but it didn’t seem “well” at the time. In fact, if you’ve read my blog, you know I was kicking and screaming and not so pleased with the state of my world.
At the time, I saw this as “magic” as a diversion from the plan so I was swimming against the current. I mean, I had never imagined spending my life in La., I was so determined to be L.A. and live among the awesomeness of LaLaLand. It wasn’t until my birthday this year that I realized how I had been crapping on the opportunities that lie in front of me. I made a decision and told the Universe that I was ready for whatever it had in store (literally-lol! I’m one for ceremony!) I felt like something happened to me instantly in that moment,and unlike before I didn’t feel the urge to question or fight it, I just let it take me over. And I’m glad I did.
In the last week I’ve had so many great opportunities come my way to just be creative which is all I’ve ever really wanted to do anyway. The most profound was that I became a part of a writer’s group. For quite some time, I’ve desired to be a part of a group of authors who’d help support one another in their literary endeavors. I didn’t have to find a group-it randomly found me. And as I sat and listened to the members share the stories they’d been lead to pen, I had an epiphany …New Orleans was to me what Harlem had been for the creative community of the ’20′s. I’d found my renaissance and that thing I felt come alive inside of me in ’09 was evidence of my rebirth. As I stared at my fellow writers and thought of all the amazingly talented musicians,/producers, actors, playwrights, chefs, etc., I’d come across in the Big Easy, I wondered if this rebirth I was experiencing was not just a unique me thing and we are all were a part of this movement. I mean did Langston Hughes and Billy Holiday really know their artistic contributions would become the Harlem Renaissance at the time or were they just pursuing their art?
I guess the point for once I should just create. And that’s exactly what I plan to do…
I’m VERY excited because I just got my next job in production. It is a great treat because it is a project I am a huge fan of. It films in Baton Rouge which is an hour or so from New Orleans. I’m going to be able to live with my granny – another great treat b/c with the hours I work I rarely get to go see her. Even though I’ll still be crazy busy with work, it’ll be great to be able to see her everyday! Because my business is starting to really grow, I am going to keep my place in NOLA. (And hopefully some Sundays I’ll get to go see my Saints -hint hint to anyone that wants to invite me to a game!). Another great thing is that I won’t have a lapse in employment – I wrap here on July 31 and start there on Aug 2. It’ll be awesome b/c I can FINALLY join the union!
I’m most pleased because this was not my plan – it literally just happened! I just let go and let things fall into place – normally pretty difficult stuff for me. I’m walking the walk when it comes to my faith and belief that everything will happen just as it should. Gotta remember that NO MATTER WHAT the Universe is conspiring for my good!
This was so profound to me because as laid back as I may seem I’m not very flexible. I don’t do things at the last minute, I plan my steps to a T in my head or on paper before acting. By the time I do something for real, I’ve already replayed it 7000 times in my head. I’ve become so adept a that skill, it happens very quickly and seems as if I’m acting spontaneously – I am not. Physically I’m not that flexible either. I do yoga, but my favorite style focuses more on the breath than the poses. I did study Iyengar which is ALL about the poses, but I responded it to the style because it is all about doing the poses correctly. You learn the pose and do it until you perfect it (that speaks to my perfectionist nature and not my desire to be more flexible). I do recall every class I’ve ever taken the instructor told me I’m too tight in the hips – the body part that exposes inflexibility.
Dyer gave the example of palm trees in hurricane force winds – they appear weak because they sway entirely to their side in the face of the wind. The reality is that “weakness” is their strength because the trees are so flexible they are able to bounce back into place once the winds subside. The mightiest oak can not bend that way without snapping and breaking. I tend to think that when I’m not being flexible that I’m being stronger. In reality, I’m being stubborn and stagnate. I want to be more fluid, more flexible, more go with the flow. So its time to get my stretch on – literally and figuratively. Physically, I think its time I give yoga another go. Emotionally, I think it’s time to really examine the places I feel stuck and see if it is because I have been being fixed in my thought pattern regarding it.
Time to stttttttttrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeettttttttttccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
